The Kamasutra, often misunderstood in the modern world as merely a manual of sexual positions, is in fact a profound and ancient Indian treatise on the art of living, love, and sensual pleasure. Compiled by the sage Vatsyayana during the Gupta period (circa 3rd to 5th century CE), it presents a holistic philosophy of human intimacy, including emotional connection, social manners, and sexual etiquette. One significant yet subtle aspect of the Kamasutra is its exploration of oral sex—not just as a physical act, but as a deeply spiritual and sensual exchange between partners.

In this essay, we delve into the nuanced etiquette of oral sex in the Kamasutra, examining its emotional, hygienic, and ritualistic dimensions, and appreciating how Vatsyayana envisioned these practices as part of a broader path to mutual pleasure and fulfillment.

Oral Sex in Ancient Indian Context

Before exploring the specifics, it is vital to understand the cultural background in which the Kamasutra was written. Ancient Indian society, particularly during the time of the Kamasutra, embraced a far more open and philosophical attitude toward sexuality than later periods marked by colonial and Victorian morality.

Sex was not taboo—it was celebrated as a divine force, a shakti, that connected humans to the cosmos. In this context, oral sex was seen as an intimate offering of pleasure and devotion, involving not only technique but ritualistic respect, refined behavior, and mutual reverence.

The Kamasutra discusses such acts under various chapters concerning erotic practices, particularly under auparishtaka, a Sanskrit term referring to oral-genital contact.

Understanding Auparishtaka: Oral Sex in the Kamasutra

The term auparishtaka (literally “that which is above”) is used in the Kamasutra to denote oral-genital stimulation. This includes both fellatio (oral stimulation of the penis) and cunnilingus (oral stimulation of the vulva), though the text elaborates more on the former, reflecting both the literary conventions and gender perspectives of the time.

However, even in its focus on male pleasure, the Kamasutra emphasizes balance, exchange, and sensitivity. Oral sex, like all other forms of sensual connection in the text, is not to be hurried, forced, or rendered mechanical. It is to be shared with care, elegance, and awareness.

Key Principles of Oral Sex Etiquette in the Kamasutra

Let us now examine the core etiquette principles related to oral sex, as distilled from the Kamasutra and expanded upon by traditional commentaries.

Mutual Consent and Desire

Even in antiquity, consent was a pillar of erotic exchange. The Kamasutra strongly implies that no sensual act should be performed without the genuine desire and agreement of both partners. Oral sex was not a duty, but a shared joy.

“When the man and the woman are both desirous of each other, and when love and trust have been established, the mouth becomes an instrument of divine pleasure.”

The act should be voluntary, and ideally emerge from mutual yearning, not coercion or obligation.

Cleanliness and Preparation

Hygiene is considered essential in the Kamasutra. Before engaging in oral acts, both partners are expected to clean their bodies thoroughly, including the genitals, mouth, and hands. Use of fragrant oils, herbal washes, and mouth fresheners (like clove or cardamom) is recommended.

This not only ensures physical safety but also expresses respect for the partner’s body, which is seen as sacred.

“The one who is fragrant, who is clean of limb, and who wears pleasing attire, becomes a desirable lover.”

Proper grooming, trimmed nails, and a clean mouth are signs of refined etiquette and readiness for intimacy.

Subtlety and Slowness

Vatsyayana emphasizes the art of foreplay, and oral sex is often introduced as a culmination of sensual exploration, not a rushed beginning.

The act should be preceded by:

• Soft kisses
• Gentle caresses
• Warm breaths on the skin
• Exploration with the tongue around sensitive areas

This gradual approach heightens anticipation and creates a climactic crescendo rather than abrupt stimulation.

“Let the tongue travel like the gentle wind across the forest of desire.”

This poetic metaphor underscores the importance of tenderness and progression.

The Importance of Sound and Expression

Vocal expressions of pleasure are considered essential. Moans, sighs, and loving words are encouraged to guide the lover, expressing both gratitude and sensual response.

Silence, unless preferred, may be seen as emotional detachment. Instead, lovers are taught to express pleasure with sounds, eye contact, and gentle affirmations, thus creating a dialogue of bodies.

“In the exchange of sighs and the curling of toes lies the poetry of passion.”

Eye Contact and Intimacy

The Kamasutra pays special attention to the eyes. Even during oral sex, eye contact is considered a powerful tool of connection. It communicates surrender, affection, and presence.

The person receiving oral sex is encouraged to caress the giver, look at them lovingly, and whisper words of praise. Gratitude is considered an integral part of erotic etiquette.

Use of the Tongue and Lips

The text does not prescribe rigid techniques but encourages lovers to:

• Use the tip, flat, and sides of the tongue
• Alternate between licking, sucking, and fluttering
• Create rhythms and vary pressure to suit the partner’s reactions

The Kamasutra often likens the tongue to a butterfly, a flower, or a wave, suggesting that movements should be graceful and organic, not aggressive or mechanical.

“Let the tongue move as the snake in the grass—silent, sinuous, and full of secret fire.”

Incorporation of Breath and Scent

Breathing is not only a physical necessity but also a sensual tool. Gentle exhalations, warm breaths, and scented oils heighten the experience. Lovers are advised to:

• Exhale softly on sensitive skin
• Use natural scents like sandalwood, rose, or jasmine
• Maintain sweet-smelling breath using herbs or clove buds
• These elements elevate the act from simple stimulation to ritualistic reverence.

No Shame in Pleasure

While modern social norms may stigmatize oral sex, the Kamasutra is free from such taboos. It celebrates every form of consensual intimacy as a path to fulfillment, not something dirty or sinful.

Shame, says Vatsyayana, should be replaced with reverence for the pleasure one gives and receives. To bring ecstasy to a lover is to partake in a spiritual act.

“In giving pleasure, one becomes divine; in receiving it, one is blessed.”

Oral Sex and the Role of Courtesans

The Kamasutra also documents the practices of courtesans, or ganikas, who were trained in the arts of sensuality, music, and conversation. These women were often skilled in oral techniques and taught etiquette to noblemen and scholars.

Their approach to oral sex emphasized:

• Emotional detachment when necessary
• Sensual finesse
• Respect for the body as an instrument of delight

The courtesan’s art was not vulgar but refined—a reflection of aesthetic eroticism. Their rituals remind us that technique is important, but presence, elegance, and understanding are essential.

Cunnilingus and Female Pleasure

Though most Kamasutra passages focus on fellatio, later tantric and medieval commentaries elaborated on cunnilingus as a spiritual act. Some tantric sects even considered it a sacred rite, where a man worships the yoni (vulva) as a goddess.

Cunnilingus etiquette, as per those extensions, includes:

• Approaching with reverence, not haste
• Using both tongue and breath
• Tuning into the woman’s reactions, not just following a method
• Offering verbal praise to her beauty and scent

In modern adaptations, this inclusion reminds us of the Kamasutra’s deep reverence for female pleasure, despite historical male-centered narratives.

Aftercare and Emotional Sensitivity

The end of an oral session is not the end of intimacy. The Kamasutra emphasizes aftercare:

• Cuddling
• Washing together
• Speaking lovingly
• Offering water or sweets

These gestures reaffirm the emotional bond and ensure that no one feels used or discarded. Erotic acts are seen as continuums, not isolated moments.

Modern Interpretations and Relevance

Today, many people seek more meaningful intimacy. The Kamasutra’s oral sex etiquette offers timeless wisdom:

• Don’t reduce oral sex to performance—make it a gift
• Don’t separate technique from emotion
• Practice respect, hygiene, and attentiveness
• Celebrate pleasure with maturity, not guilt

By revisiting the Kamasutra’s guidance, lovers can transform oral sex into a deeply nourishing ritual of connection.