The Kamasutra, authored by Vatsyayana, is often misunderstood as merely an ancient manual of erotic postures. In reality, it is a rich philosophical and psychological guide to love, sensuality, relationships, and the art of living. One of its most intimate sections delves into the language of kissing—each type representing a unique stage of emotion, desire, or resistance in a relationship. Among these, “The Kiss That Turns Away” (also referred to as Vyavartita in Sanskrit) stands out as one of the most delicate, emotionally layered, and complex kisses in the entire text.

This article explores this kiss in depth—its origin, technique, context, and layered meanings—offering readers not just knowledge, but insight into the emotional intelligence and erotic sensitivity of ancient Indian love philosophy.

Understanding the Context of Kisses in the Kamasutra

The Symbolism of Kissing

In the Kamasutra, kissing is not just a prelude to lovemaking; it is a language unto itself. Each kiss carries with it unspoken desires, emotional responses, social status, and psychological depth. Kissing, for Vatsyayana, is both a physiological and metaphysical act. It connects lovers not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally.

Classifying the Kisses

The Kamasutra classifies kisses into various forms:

• The Pressed Kiss
• The Straight Kiss
• The Clasping Kiss
• The Turned Kiss
• The Kiss That Awakens Love
• The Kiss That Kindles Love
• And finally, The Kiss That Turns Away

Each type corresponds to a different emotional situation—whether in flirtation, courtship, conflict, or full romantic union.

The Kiss That Turns Away – Definition and Description

Literal Meaning

The Kiss That Turns Away, or Vyavartita, involves one lover trying to kiss the other while the latter turns their face away. This turning away is not accidental; it is deliberate and charged with emotion. It may express:

• Shyness or coyness
• Playfulness and teasing
• Anger or hurt
• Reluctant consent
• An attempt to provoke or test the other

This kiss, therefore, is not defined by the contact of lips, but by the denial of it—a sensual paradox that makes it all the more emotionally engaging.

Vatsyayana’s Insight

Vatsyayana writes that the Kiss That Turns Away is an act of delicate resistance. It is often employed during:

• A lover’s quarrel
• The early moments of reconciliation
• Teasing between youthful partners
• Attempts to heighten desire by momentary refusal

It is, in many ways, the emotional mirror of consent—withholding to build intensity, resisting to increase longing.

Technique and Execution

The Physical Act

In its simplest form, the act is performed when:

• One partner approaches to kiss.
• The other turns the face away—either slightly or completely.
• The turning away might involve a smile, a pout, or narrowed eyes.
• The resisting partner might push the other away lightly, use their hands to deflect the face, or move their entire body.
• This motion may be repeated, depending on the emotional dynamic.

Levels of Intensity

There are varying degrees of this kiss:

• Playful Turning Away: Accompanied by laughter or a mischievous smile. Common in courtship.
• Shy Turning Away: The partner turns the face away but allows closeness. Often seen in new lovers or younger couples.
• Resentful Turning Away: When a partner is angry or upset. This is emotionally loaded and demands sensitivity.
• Flirtatious Resistance: A game of chase where denial fuels passion.

The Role of the Initiator

The initiator must:

• Be attentive to the partner’s body language.
• Read subtle cues—are they smiling or frowning? Are their eyes soft or stern?
• Adjust their approach—persistence should be tempered with empathy.
• If the resistance continues, a gentle pause or a change in mood may be necessary.

Emotional and Psychological Dimensions

Communication Beyond Words

In an age before texting, emojis, or social media subtweets, gestures like The Kiss That Turns Away were powerful communicative tools. This kiss says:

• “I want you, but I want you to try harder.”
• “I’m upset, but not entirely unwilling.”
• “Let me see if you understand me.”
• “Persuade me, not just with your touch, but with your attention.”

Consent and the Art of Resistance

This kiss illustrates the nuanced concept of erotic resistance—not a “no” in the modern sense, but a test of depth and sensitivity. However, it is vital to note that true understanding requires mutual respect. What Vatsyayana describes is playful resistance within a consensual framework, not coercion.

Modern readers must interpret this act within ethical boundaries. The kiss may be turned away, but only the emotionally intelligent lover knows when to persist and when to pause.

Gender Roles and the Feminine Voice

In many translations of the Kamasutra, the woman is often the one turning her face away. This gesture becomes her way of asserting:

• Autonomy in physical affection.
• Control in the pace of intimacy.
• Expression of mood—anger, teasing, or hesitation.

In societies where women’s voices were often silenced in public, gestures like this allowed for subtle resistance and control in private spaces.

The Cultural and Historical Significance

Ancient Indian Views on Desire

In classical Indian philosophy, Kama (desire) is one of the four Purusharthas—the legitimate aims of human life. The Kamasutra treats desire as sacred, and techniques like kissing were not taboo, but elevated as part of a life well-lived.

This kiss, in particular, reflects an intellectual view of seduction, where emotional depth is given precedence over mechanical acts.

Artistic Depictions

Sculptures in ancient temples (like those of Khajuraho or Konark) sometimes depict lovers in scenes that may reflect this kiss—one partner facing the other while the latter averts their face. This visual tension is the very essence of sensuality—longing, delayed.

Modern Relevance and Application

Reclaiming the Kiss Today

Modern couples can find profound meaning in this ancient kiss. It can be used to:

• Reignite passion through teasing.
• Deepen intimacy by exploring emotional moods.
• Playfully test one’s partner’s sensitivity and attentiveness.

In therapy and modern sexual education, gestures like this can be used to teach emotional fluency, non-verbal communication, and the importance of respect and awareness in physical intimacy.

In Cinema and Literature

This kiss often appears in romantic storytelling:

In movies where a lover leans in, but the heroine looks away—half-smiling, half-serious.

In literature where a character refuses a kiss not to reject the other, but to provoke deeper understanding or commitment.

From Bollywood to Jane Austen, the kiss denied is a storytelling archetype—a dramatic pause before a symphonic union.

Commentary by Modern Scholars

Contemporary scholars like Wendy Doniger and Devdutt Pattanaik have emphasized the emotional literacy embedded in such ancient texts. The Kiss That Turns Away, they suggest, teaches:

• Patience in seduction
• The dance of power and surrender
• That love, when layered with play and challenge, becomes more than mere gratification—it becomes art.

Practical Exercises for Couples

Couples looking to explore this ancient kiss can try the following:

• Role Reversal: Switch roles—let both partners try turning away.
• Mood Exploration: Try the kiss while expressing different moods—teasing, sulking, shy, playful.
• Eyes and Silence: Attempt the kiss in silence, communicating only through eyes and expressions.
• Emotional Check-In: After trying, discuss what each felt—was it frustrating? Exciting? Revealing?

These exercises build not just sensual tension, but trust and connection.